Nightmares.

For the past few nights, I’ve forced myself to wake up from nightmares. I don’t know why they started. Let’s called them the “Red Dawn” series of nightmares. In each case, I’m somehow outnumbered and out gunned by an organized force. In all cases, I’m forced to choose between the kids and the wife to save. So far, I’ve chosen the kids every time. It’s shortly thereafter things get intense, and something realizes the dream is too real. I mastered lucid dreaming as a kid due to nightmares. I force myself awake. My heart is pounding and I’m sweating. And by pounding, I mean 155 beats per minute. I’ve learned to master panic fairly well in my life. In each dream/nightmare, I’m panicking. This is what sticks with me throughout the days. Why am I panicking? Why do I keep having the same variations on a theme in my dreams recently?

Partial answers hit me tonight. I was researching gun training courses at SiGARMS Academy. I don’t know what to do in situations when I’m out gunned. I need to take some courses and develop skills. This will give me confidence and at least a better chance of surviving real world situations. As for the rest, time will tell.